Borderline Rapist

Date’s Nickname: Borderline Rapist

Age: 31

Occupation: Something at BHP

How we met: Hinge

Where we went: We were supposed to go to a bar and grab drinks….

What I ate: Nothing

Total Cost Estimate: $0

Prior Expectations: BRI receive a text from Borderline Rapist at 1:00 am on Sunday night. I talked with him a few times prior via text and phone call. He’s very social and easy to talk to. He never initiated a meet up until now. The past two nights I’ve had boys texting me late at night asking to meet up, to which a girl can only assume… I’M A FREAKING BOOTY CALL. Right after Borderline Rapist sends me the “or we can meet up somewhere out” text message, he calls me. Over the phone I tell Borderline Rapist that I’m uncomfortable meeting him for the first time at my house or his. He tells me he’s had a bad night and just wants someone to talk to over drinks. Borderline Rapist then offers to pick me up on our way to the bar. Reluctantly, I agree.

Date Diary: Ten minutes later a sliver Mercedes pulls in my driveway. First Thoughts: Looks EXACTLY like his profile pictures. Very Fit. Very Tan. Wearing basketball shorts and a tank. Drinking out of a protein shake bottle. As he drives away from my house, Borderline Rapist says, “I need to stop by my house real quick to change clothes.” Immediately, I’m extremely uncomfortable and tell Borderline Rapist that I will wait in the car while he changes.

Borderline Rapist pulls into his driveway and starts making small talk. After 5 minutes he says, “The bars are closing soon anyways. We can grab a drink inside.” Then he opens his door and enters his house before I have time to respond. *This is when I should’ve been aggressive. This is when I should’ve said something. This is when I should’ve gone home. But I didn’t…* By the time I enter his house, Borderline Rapist can tell I’m uncomfortable. I verbally tell him that I’m uncomfortable. I’m walking through his house trembling. He leads me to the kitchen and introduces me to his friend. Borderline Rapist and his friend start chatting about their evening events. From their conversation, this is what I conclude… Borderline Rapist and his friends were out at a club party. Borderline Rapist and his brother met these two girls. They brought both the girls back to their house. Borderline Rapist’s girl didn’t tell Borderline Rapist she had a boyfriend until after she agreed to come over. His girl ditches while her friend stays and hooks up with his brother. (Apparently, the girl was making out with Borderline Rapist the entire afternoon. I personally don’t think she had a boyfriend. She probably used that as an excuse to GET THE EFF OUT.)

As Borderline Rapist and his friend are reliving the night, they’re constantly offering me alcohol. I decline, and they taunt me. Borderline Rapist says, “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re not more fun.” *I’m trying to give Borderline Rapist the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he did lie to me and drive me straight to his house, BUT I control my own actions. I control what I drink. I control the words coming out of my mouth. I control my body.*  We sit on the couch and start talking. I can’t remember what we talked about. I only remember thinking of ways to calm myself down. Pretty sure he’s making small talk to make me feel more comfortable. We’re sitting on separate sides of the couch with no physical contact. Out of no where Borderline Rapist says, “Come with me, I want to show you something.” He leads to me his back patio. His back patio is actually really sick. It has a small pool and hanging lights. He even has one of those Swan floats. We walk back inside, and Borderline Rapist leads me to his bedroom…

Borderline Rapist hops on his bed and says, “Check out this pillow I just bought. It’s the best pillow I’ve ever owned.” I stand at the edge of the bed and don’t say anything. (DUDE, I’M NOT STUPID. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO) Borderline Rapist can take a hint. He looks at me and says, “Don’t worry, we are not going to do anything you do not want to do.” I’m REALLY trying to trust Borderline Rapist. By now he hasn’t actually put his hands on me. I tend to take people at their word. Is this always the right decision? NO. I believe that most people are inherently good. Plus, if he was going to rape me, it would have happened by now. I decide to lay down on the bed. I position myself far away and try to talk about anything else. Borderline Rapist starts putting on the moves. (Oh yeah, I actually told him that I’m a dating blogger and went on a date everyday this month. Guess what? He didn’t care.) Borderline Rapist tells me I can get any guy I want. Tells me my Facebook pictures don’t do me justice and that I’m much prettier in real life. Says that he wants to introduce me to some of his friends “that I would love to date.” Then…the caressing starts. Borderline Rapist starts touching me. As we’re talking he tries to go in for a kiss. I stop him and say, “I’m sorry but I do not want to hook up with you. We should just be friends.” Borderline Rapist responds with, “I’m going to be 100% honest with you. Yes, I want to rip off all your clothes. Yes, I’m just trying to hook up with you. But if you want to be friends, I already have a lot of friends. So what’s in it for me? Why should I be friends with you?”

Yes, he said it EXACTLY like that. Great, it’s out there. We all know you don’t value me more than a one night stand. But we are all VERBALLY made aware, right? I try giving him reasons why we should be friends. At this point, I’m just entertaining the idea and waiting for an escape route. I don’t intend on ever seeing Borderline Rapist again. We talk some more before Borderline Rapist leaves the room, but tells me to stay where I am because he’ll be right back. I walk around his bedroom and look at the pictures hanging from his wall (he’s VERY into himself). Borderline Rapist enters the room again and meets me in front of the hanging pictures. We talk about them before… He tries to pick me up and place me on his bed. He bends down and grabs my legs and lower back. I FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I tell him to put me down, which he does. I then tell him that I’m ready to leave. His response, “You can Uber home right?” I’m so desperate to leave that I respond with a “Yes.” I grab my purse and exit his house.

I walk out front and try to order an Uber. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. My phone is not in my purse. It has to be in his house. I ring the doorbell and wait outside for someone to answer… guess what? No one does. I wait around for about 5 minutes before I decide on Plan B. Realistically, I only live a mile from Borderline Rapist’s house. Plan B is walking home at 3:30 am all by myself, with no phone and no form of protection. After the first sketchy car that passes me with a single male driver, I decide the main street is not the route I need be on. I end up walking through side streets and hiding every time I see a car. The closer I get to my house, the reality of what I’m doing starts to sink in. I start thinking… “I’m a smart girl. How did I get myself into this situation? Why did I get into a car with a man I never met? Why am I walking home by myself at 3:30 am?” By the time I make it to my front door, I’m over whelmed.

Takeaways: I lay in bed that night sobbing and unable to sleep. My mind is panicking. I’ve never felt more objectified and devalued as a human being. I’ve never felt more unsafe. The thought of having to see him again is too much for me to sleep. I’m uneasy. Every imaginable circumstance of what could’ve happened is playing in my mind. By the time morning comes, I contact few friends via Facebook. I need help. I cannot go back to that house by myself. I send out messages to everyone I know that could possibly have his phone number. By 10:00 am I have no leads. I have a minor freak out when I realize I have a date scheduled at 11:00 am and no way of contacting my date. I hate cancelling on people and I hate no shows. I show up at the restaurant where we scheduled our date. I arrive to a closed restaurant (it’s Memorial Day). I’m so upset by the past 12 hours. I need to tell someone. I drive to a friend’s apartment and unload everything on him. He can physically see how distraught I am. By 1:00 pm I receive Borderline Rapist’s bother’s contact information. My friend does all the work from this point forward. My friend texts Borderline Rapist’s brother asking for my phone. He drives to Borderline Rapist’s house and picks up my phone. He takes me to eat and tries to calm me down. I look at my phone and receive this message from the guy I stood up. I can’t believe I became this person. I can’t believe I stood someone up. That’s not me. That’s not who I am.tinder cameron

Did Borderline Rapist do anything illegal? No. Did Borderline Rapist lie to me about going to a bar, offer me alcohol and make fun of me for not taking it, verbally tell me he was not going to do anything, hear me tell him NO, deny him a kiss, deny him anything, and after all that still TRY to persuade me to sleep with him? Yes. I thought NO meant NO. Borderline Rapist doesn’t care about me. Borderline Rapist only cares about himself. Does he value me as more than a object to fill his need? No. He didn’t have the decency to take me home himself (he picked me up), or even watch me order an Uber, or answer the fucking door at 3:30 am after I left my phone inside. The only thing that makes him different than a rapist is the physical act. Was he thinking if he told me the right things and made me feel more comfortable that I would change my mind? I’m not a fucking game. I’m not a fucking object. I way more than an object to fill your physical pleasure. Do I need to physically remove myself from a situation for my answer to be NO? I thought verbal consent meant something. I NEVER want my friends or any girl to feel the way Borderline Rapist made me feel that night. The feeling that my only purpose is to fulfill HIS need.

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