Tinted Oakleys

Date’s Nickname: Tinted Oakleys

Age: 26

Occupation: Consulting

How we met: Coffee Meets Bagel. He messaged me about Aka Sushi… (this is all too familiar)

Where we went: Aka Sushi… (this place is cursed)

What I ate: Edamame and an Avocado & Cucumber Roll (I don’t change)

Total Cost Estimate: – $10

Prior Expectations: I’ve been extremely picky on my dating apps lately, probably too picky. I liked this guy’s profile and went out of my way “discover” him. (it’s the equivalent to a super like on Tinder) We set plans to meet at Aka Sushi because he lives across the street.

Date Diary: Does this already remind you of my “Cheap Ass” date? I arrive before him and wait outside. First Thoughts: Shows up wearing Tinted Oakleys. Not my style. Oakleys is very Jersey Shore. Is it not? It’s 2016 not 2008. Shorter than expected. I’m more into his Coffee Meet Bagel pictures than his real life physical appearance. The waitress leads us to a table located in the middle of the restaurant. It may or may not be the exact same table I sat with Cheap Ass. Within the first 5 minutes of our “date,” Tinted Oakleys receives a phone call. He answers his phone and starts a conversation with his roommate during OUR dinner date. He starts telling his roommate that he’s out to dinner “with a girl.” Right after he says this to his roommate, Tinted Oakleys hangs up the phone. He turns to me and says, “My roommate is giving me a hard time about answering the phone on a date. I didn’t know if it was urgent or not, so I answered.” I’m rolling my eyes thinking… if this is how my dating life is going to be the rest of my life then I’m not sure I want to date anymore.  I reply with an “Understandable.” That understandable statement is directed toward Tinted Oakleys’ roommate being right about answering your phone during a “date.”

Tinted Oakleys and I move on from the first awkward 5 minutes. We start talking about where we grew up, what schools we attended, and our weekend plans.  I like Tinted Oakleys, but by the time our food comes, I’m getting a “friend” vibe. Maybe it’s his lack of initiation on this date or the fact that he answered his phone during dinner, but I’m not feeling it. I’m having fun getting to know him though. He’s still in the “I’m a Bachelor” phase of life. Still flies all over the country to visit his high school friends. We talk about places we’ve traveled and how good Aka Sushi’s happy hour is. Thankfully, the dating app topic never came up.

By the time the bill comes, Tinted Oakleys reaches for his wallet. There is no hesitation like with Cheap Ass. I know if I sit here in silence, Tinted Oakleys will pay for my food. However, I do offer and he accepts. This time I don’t mind paying because truthfully I wouldn’t go on a second date with Tinted Oakleys. There is nothing about this first date that initiates sparks. After we pay, Tinted Oakleys and I walk out of restaurant. We hug and exchange few words about how much fun we had and that we’ll talk soon.

Takeaways: I hope this isn’t the future of “dating.” I hope answering your phone during dinner and splitting checks isn’t modern dating. Way to make a girl (let alone anyone) feel special. What this date says to me is… “Getting to know you is just like getting to know anyone else… my coworkers, my second cousins, random strangers on the street, etc.” This date is so casual that I can fit it into a holiday weekend. Maybe this is the product of online dating? Why did we even meet up for dinner? I bet neither of us will ever reach out.


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